Don't Download That Song!
by Tomboy 601
Summary: In which the Music Industry is portrayed as a mob, Jeremy gets caught downloading a song and everywhere is America. Pure crack. Oneshot.


Author's Note: For the sake of the plot, Evolution doesn't exist. Not that there's many crack fics with a plot. Everything in this fic is exaggerated for comedy pruposes.

Disclaimer: I don't own Code Lyoko.

A lone figure sat hunched over a computer. On the screen was a gettollent client that showed the status of a single file. MP3 Song has finished downloading. Jeremy yawned and went to bed.

Far away, another figure sat at a computer sorting through IP Addresses.

"Gotcha, you filthy pirate."

* * *

"Morning everyone. Aelita, I got that song you wanted," Jeremy said cheerily. "It's on my computer. We can get it later."

"Thank you, Jeremy. Is it okay if I go get it after science class?" Aelita asked.

"Of course," Jeremy said. "Oh, Ulrich, are you ready for the big test today?"

"I couldn't study," Ulrich responded. "Odd kept interrupting me." He shot a glare at Odd who was drinking hot chocolate.

"Hey, everyone. Anything new?" Yumi asked. Odd spit out his hot chocolate, surprised by Yumi's sudden appearance.

"Just a big test that I'm not prepared for," Ulrich said. "What about you?"

"Nothing particularly interesting," Yumi answered. "There's the bell, I'd better get to class. See you later!"

"We'd better get to class, too." Jeremy advised.

* * *

"Okay, so that's around two million dollars from all the pirates who downloaded that song," Said a man in a black suit. "This extortion scheme went well."

"Do we have to call it extortion? It just seems wrong." Another man asked.

The first man immediately turned around and shot him.

"First rule of the Music Industry. Never question the Music Industry. Does anyone else have a comment?"

There was silence.

"Good. Now to extort money from this pirate in France..."

* * *

"That test was pretty easy, don't you think, Aelita?" Jeremy asked.

"Yes, but I don't think Ulrich did so well. Anyway, should we go get that song from your computer?"

"Sure, let's go."

* * *

"I don't think United States laws are enforceable in France," A man in black said. "Shouldn't we get more evidence befo- Gah!" The man had a knife sticking out of his back.

"Second rule, never question the evidence gathering no matter how stupid it is."

* * *

"Here you go, Aelita," Jeremy said. He handed her a disc.

"Thanks, Jeremy."

* * *

"Sir, we have evidence about digital theft in your school. Just point us to the right student and we won't sue you for millions," A man in a black suit demanded.

"A lot of students use computers-" Mr. Delmas started.

"Give me a name!" The man in black interrupted.

"Jeremy Belpois. But, I don't think-"

"Thank you, have a good day."

* * *

After wading through hordes of little brats, the man in black finally found Jeremy Belpois. He shooed away Jeremy's friends and took Jeremy to an interrogation style room.

"I didn't know the school had an interrogation room," Jeremy commented.

"Shut up. Now give me five thousand dollars or the Music Industry will sue you for millions."

"But, this is France! We don't have dollars, we have Euros. I also don't think an American corporation can demand anything from me without involving the legal system."

"The Music Industry doesn't have borders. Now pay up!"

"I don't have any money and even if I did, it wouldn't be in dollars. Don't you need more than an IP Address to sue someone?"

"He has a good poi-" A second man started only to be silenced by the first man's gun.

"Did you just kill him?" Jeremy asked, horrified.

"We do that to all traitors," The man answered casually.

"But you killed him! Doesn't that strike you as morally wrong?"

"We're the Music Industry. We have no morals or ethics. That's why we're trying to extort money from a kid like you!"

"Have you tried making music available to everyone around the world at the same time and not killing people? That might help," Jeremy asked.

"Jeremy, I wanted to ask..." Aelita started, walking into the room. "The men in black. They're here..." She trailed off.

"You're Franz Hopper's daughter. He was wanted for five counts of copyright infringement. He refused to pay, so we kidnapped his wife. Unfortunately, she died. Stupid shackles weren't sterilized."

Jeremy and Aelita ran away screaming.

* * *

"I can't believe we went into hiding because my dad shared a CD with his friend," Aelita said.

"I can't believe they're literally getting away with murder," Jeremy muttered.

In the end, the Music Industry was told to leave Jeremy alone. He wasn't the one they were looking for, anyway.

Author's Note: I didn't think this would turn out so dark. I was trying my hand at a crossing the line twice situation. Tell me how I did.


End file.
